the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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