it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
