i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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