man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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