I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
