Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
