I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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