Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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