It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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