I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
