In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
