booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
