Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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