Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
