i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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