"it" just moved
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
