The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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