Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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