clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dicks are not precious.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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