I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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