recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
