And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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