he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
