I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
