the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
