I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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