my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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