Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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