How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
