i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
