I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i've created a new STD.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
