I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
