And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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