My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
