I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
