What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
