these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
