There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
