Your mouth is God's brothel.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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