You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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