look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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