i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
