i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize