I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
