Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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