We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
