My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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