wrigley field is MILF paradise
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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