Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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