porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
