they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
