wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
