when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
