The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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