NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
