He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
