Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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