i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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