Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
