if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
