speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
