the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Are we still banned from the library?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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