I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
