My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
