Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
