OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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