just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
