If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
