I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
