He is an equal opportunity slut.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
