it hurts more in the daytime
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
