I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
