It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
