a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
