dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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